Almost 4 weeks in!

I suppose it's time for our first real update since Marisa arrived.  She will have been with us 4 weeks this Saturday.  We have been B.U.S.Y.  This will probably be a longer post as there is much to catch up on.  Just funny little stories.

We've known Marisa was coming to stay with us since around last November, so naturally we worked on her "Welcome" sign at 10pm the night before we picked her up from the airport.  To be fair - we totally intended to have a "Family" night with just us as our last night as a family of 4 and making her sign together - and then some good friends told us they were going to the Jordan candy store and asked us if we wanted to join and go to dinner (we don't see them often) - that was a no brainer!

It wasn't until we were waiting at the airport for her to land that I realized I spelled her name wrong (face palm plant).  It is very American to spell it "Marissa" with 2 s's, but her name is Marisa with 1 "s".

Hilarity ensued as I tried to figure out how to fix this with absolutely no supplies available.  At first, I just ripped the extra "S" out of the poster, but that looked stupid.  I had no scissors - but because of our trip to the candy store the night before, I had an "ope" sticker - so Minnesotan!  I put that in the empty space and we all had a good laugh.

Then I brilliantly realized I could just evenly rip off her name entirely at the bottom and just say "Welcome".  So I did that and it looked MUCH better.  Scott borrowed a sharpie marker from a police officer and I wrote the correct "Marisa" at the top.

There were quite a few families gathering waiting for exchange students - I think there were 8 students coming to Minnesota (they had spent 3 days in New York with the exchange program before coming to MN).

When we saw other kids coming out and meeting their host families, I totally got hit really hard with "OMG - we are bringing a person from across the world into our house - what are we going to do with her!?? Is she going to like us?  What will this be like?  Are we even normal people to live with?  She is going to think everything about Americans solely based on her experience living with us - that could be a lot of pressure.  What if she hates us?  What if people in Germany think we are weird?"

But when we saw her, it felt just fine - we know this girl, we will be fine. 

In hindsight, I don't think we were nervous, just more getting hit with the reality of this situation we chose to do.  She was very nervous, but we had no idea.  She was goofy, talkative and friendly, but we've heard many stories since about her nervousness on our zoom calls and meeting us in person.

Her flight came in around 8:00am, so we had asked her prior if we could take her to breakfast.  It's actually funny - we have done some pretty "American" things since she got here that we don't normally do - one of them being going to IHOP as our first "American" thing to do and meal together.  It's right by the airport and has a lot of options.

Her first experience of how sweet American food is.  She ordered an apple juice and her first comment was how different it was.

I am becoming WELL aware of how sweet American food is, and I don't disagree with her.  Why is our food so sweet?  Does anybody else recognize this?  What is wrong with us?  Seriously.

After all of us having our first (except Scott) IHOP experience, we journeyed home.  We gave her a tour, settled her into her room.  We figured she would be tired, but she wasn't sleepy just yet.  We went for a walk and talked about ideas of things we could do if she wasn't tired that evening.

And then she was tired.  Like - fell asleep for 15 hours tired.  I don't blame her - coming from Germany and then going around New York for 3 days - sheesh!  So, we just let her sleep.  At one point Scott did fear that we had a dead exchange student (what is wrong with him?!) and how that situation would be the absolute worst, but I told him that sleep was the best thing she needed and to leave her alone.

She woke up the next morning at 5am and was disoriented because she thought she had only slept a couple hours and also thought it was 5pm.

She missed our first homemade meal of cheeseburgers with sweetcorn - oh well.  We were trying to be very "American" for the first meal.

We took her to the Shakopee Mdewakaneton Wacipi festival - which our family had also never gone to.  We thought that would be a great experience for all of us to learn more about our local Native American culture.  Scott knows a lot more on that than the rest of us.  That was interesting - the Grand Entry went a lot longer than I was expecting, but very beautiful outfits.  We tried the fry bread tacos and a funnel cake for food.  

It was HOT!  We realize now we did a really good job of preparing Marisa for cold Minnesota winters, but not emphasizing that it's still hot.  She only came with ONE (?!?!) suitcase.  She really regrets how she packed - she was bored of her clothes at home so pretty much left everything.  I know I could not go to another country for a whole year with just one suitcase.

Because we were so hot after the Wacipi festival- we packed up and went to the local beach at Cedar Lake so the kids could swim and spent the rest of the day just playing there.  It was really good bonding time for the kids.  Cora buried Quinn's goggles somewhere in the sand if anybody comes across them, I'd love to get them back.

That night, we had a bonfire in our backyard and she tried s'mores - also sweet.  All we do is eat sweet stuff in America - you will definitely see this theme in my writing.

We also "made" her try pop rocks - a lot of families in the exchange program talk about doing the "pop rock challenge" because many of these kids have not had them or don't know what they do when you eat them.  So - you give them pop rocks without telling them what will happen and laugh at them pretty much the whole time.

On the first Monday, I took off of work so that Quinn and I could take her to the high school to finalize her classes now that she was here in person.  We figured out her schedule - I was slightly disappointed nobody from the school could give her an actual tour, but I knew enough of the high school that I figured it out and gave her my own personal guided tour.  We found her classrooms and were able to meet most of her teachers.

After that, we went to get her school supplies - high schoolers need WAY less school supplies than elementary kids.  We were happy to find her German bank card worked at the big box store we went to.  She has Visa card with pre-loaded money she can use, but good to know her German card should be accepted at most places here.

We stopped at many stores, but she didn't find any clothes that she would want to get just yet.

We wrapped up our family summer before school started.

First, we went to the Minnesota State Fair.  How could we not?  We had blueberry mini donuts and ranch cheese curds for breakfast.  More sweet American food.  I will say - having 5 people and sharing a little bit of all the food as small bites is really the most perfect way to do the State Fair without being overly full.

The foods that I remember us trying:  Blueberry mini donuts, ranch cheese curds, ice cream from the dairy building, pronto pup, deep fried cookie dough, hotdish on a stick, kettle corn - probably more.  We all agreed that Blueberry mini donuts were our favorite.  She thought the State Fair was "weird", but loved the food and thought that was the best part about it.  She is a foodie.

We brought a bag of the blueberry mini donuts to my grandmother, who lives with my aunt and uncle in St. Paul.  The visits with Grandma are precious as she is losing some cognitive ability - I know she remembers me now, but not my kids or Scott - I'm not sure how much longer she will remember me.   So we stopped in to bring her a treat and visit while she is still able.  I'm glad Marisa got to meet her.

The next day we went on a camping trip to Lanesboro, MN.  Our family tries to go camping around once a year and Lanesboro holds a special place in our hearts.  Unfortunately, it was a pretty rainy weekend, but we didn't let that stop us.  We had some friends join us in their camper - great food and great company was sufficient!  We were able to go tubing on the Root River before the rain came again, and we went biking on the trails before we had to leave.  The worst part about the rain is having to set everything back up when you get home to let it dry and I think I did 15 loads of laundry through the week to get it all clean again.

School started pretty uneventfully - everything went as well as it could for all the kids.  Marisa has found that high school is very fast-paced and it leaves little time for meeting or getting to know people.  I keep telling her just wait until regular activities after school start and she will meet some kids her age.  We have had conversations with her that this is her experience, we won't force her to do anything she does not want to do - but she can't leave here with regrets. 

We planned to go to Scott's family cabin in Bigfork, MN for Labor Day, but found out his uncle was going to be there.  In true Scott and Jackie fashion, we punted and started looking for somewhere else to go because we apparently can't sit still ever.  I looked at a few places, like Bayfield, but they were going to be SO expensive.  I don't know why, but Mount Rushmore popped in my head - I have not thought about that place since I was 3.  I looked around and there were some hotel suites that could fit all 5 of us for a very reasonable price - so away we went to the Black Hills.

I get a hard time about the Black Hills by my family from when I was 3 - so a little backstory - I am positive this is also where I developed my irrational fear of fish.  Yes, someone with an extreme, irrational fear of fish is married to a fisheries biologist who thinks fish are the greatest thing ever - I don't get it either.  Anyways, when I was 3, my parents took my brother and I to the Black Hills with our grandparents.  This is my earliest memory.  They took us to the Reptile Gardens - if you have been here, you know there are roaming tortoises.   I did not know about this, and I sat on what I thought was a rock.  And then the rock moved.  And my little 3 year old butt high-tailed it out of there so fast - I ran away from my family and I didn't know where I was going, but I KNOW I ran into the scariest room I have ever been in with dead fish and dead fish-like things on the wall that scared the be-Jesus out of me.  This is where my fear of fish began.  Ironically, I do not have a fear of turtles or tortoises.

Long story short - I get made fun of frequently because of this incident.

We did NOT go to the Reptile Gardens, thank you very much.

We DID go to touristy Wall Drug for about 15 minutes.  We had fun, we ate donuts and then we drove off.

The Black Hills are so beautiful - I recommend to anybody, particularly with kids.  They really don't get the credit they deserve.

Scott took us up Black Elk Peak (formerly Harney peak for you Black Hills pros).  It was beautiful, but I don't think the girls and I were realistically prepared for a 4 hour hike in 90 degree weather.  I was having some GI pains on the way up which didn't help (I have IBS, which is horrible and unpredictable), Cora had a bad attitude - she snapped out of it, but then Quinn had a bad attitude, then I had a bad attitude with the heat, the GI pain and the other bad attitudes around me.  I was really trying to be positive, but I admit I gave in to negativity on the way up.  It really is a mind game sometimes and we pushed through.  Marisa is used to climbing the Alps every day to get to school so no big deal for her.  JUST KIDDING.  But her city is very hilly, so it as no big deal.  She comments on how "flat" it is where we live.  Marisa and Scott win the award for best attitudes on that hike.  Once we made it to the top, of course it was worth it and absolutely beautiful.  Nobody complained on the way down.  I could go down hills and mountains all day - just not up.

Sylvan lake is gorgeous!

We stayed in Hill City - beautiful area.  Scott is very familiar with the area due to his annual Hooked on Hardwater event (like a big brothers type program, but fishing with kids program).

We were invited to a campground resort to one of his Hooked on Hardwaters friends whose family stays there (I'm so glad Scott has all these random connections across the country).  The Oiler family was SO generous and kind.  They welcomed us into their family gathering like we were family.  We got there and they were just about to partake in the annual campground parade, and they let us join like we had done it for years with them.  The girls had SO much fun.  Marisa thinks our side-by-sides and golf carts are so funny.  When we got back, they had a delicious meal for everybody and we stayed until dark.

Of course the girls wanted to swim in the pool.  While they swam, Scott and I booked tickets for the 1880 train the next morning.

Quinn and Marisa give me a hard time of all the pictures I have been taking.  Whatever, girls - you will totally thank me later.  They played a game at the pool pretending to be people or animals walking and then falling into the pool and the other had to guess who they were being (I swear my friends and I also played this).  They pretended to be me taking pictures and then falling into the pool.  Marisa also told me she had a dream that we were driving and going off a cliff and that all I wanted to do was take pictures in that moment.  Again, whatever girls.

The 1880 train was a lot of fun and we are really glad we found out about it.

After that, we were pretty tired, so we took some naps - it was hot and the girls swam.  This was a perfect little break.

We ate at a great Italian/Woodfire pizza place.  We are finding Marisa likes shrimp!  But the program does tell us to correct her English if she makes a mistake (since her main reason for being here is to get better at speaking English), so we had to tell her that we don't order "Shrimps", we order "Shrimp".  Yes, I know we put "s" on plural words, I don't know why we don't for Shimp.

Then Scott took us on a wildlife loop trail in Custer State Park.  Right away, we saw a large bison walking towards our vehicle, only to take a turn to get a drink in a creek.  We saw a lot of wildlife, but the girls probably most enjoyed the donkeys that came up to our window - we had so many giggles!  

After the wildlife loop, we arrived at Mount Rushmore just in time to see the ceremony and lighting they do each night.  It was a bit magical.  We had kept pushing Mount Rushmore off knowing we would get to it and that it wouldn't take long, but I think we were meant to see it at night.  It was the perfect way to end the trip.

Now we are home and we are starting to get as settled as possible into kind of a routine.  We are still a bit busy - Quinn and Cora wrapped up soccer.

Marisa auditioned for the high school musical, Mamma Mia, so she has practice after school.  And Cora auditioned for Shrek Jr the Musical - so both of them will be busy through fall working on their projects.  For anybody interested, Shrek Jr. is at the Middle School the weekend before Halloween and Mamma Mia is at the high school the weekend before and after Thanksgiving.

That's the rundown of what we have been busy doing, but a quick update on some day-to-day cultural and funny things

We learned that Marisa has a hard time eating without a knife.  She needs a knife at most meals.  Our first breakfast at home was scrambled eggs - she broke down and had to get a knife for that.  I would have never even thought of a knife for scrambled eggs.  She is so polite - I find that I probably should use a knife more often - Americans eat with their fingers often.  And even though I know I shouldn't talk with food in my mouth, I think I do it a lot around my family and wasn't aware of it- so I am working on my own manners.

We have debates over cake vs. pie.  She completely does not understand the difference between the two and thinks they are the same, or doesn't understand why we have two words for them.  She is still very confused about this.  And then also confused why some people call pizza a "slice of pie" - we couldn't talk our way out of that one and how it's not actually "pie" like the dessert.

We really are trying to live as if she is our own child (as close as possible) - the program tells us to do that.  If there is a chore I would expect Quinn or Cora to do or help with something around the house, I need to ask Marisa to help with those things too.  Same with meals or other responsibilities.

We had given her a gift basket when she came here with some local items, but she also brought us gifts.  She brought me a game (even though she did not know I LOVE to play games).  She brought Scott a knife (she is from Solingen, which is very well known around the world for their knife making).  She gave Quinn and Cora matching bracelets - and she has one too (my heart melted when she gave those to them).  But the best gift she gave us that I consider priceless - a hand written recipe book.  This book has her favorite German recipes, in German and converted to English, as well as pictures of her family/friends with information about them.  I cherish this book.

The girls have made the German brot (bread) and a delicious chocolate banana bread (it's really chocolate cake).  We will definitely be making the brot regularly.  I asked Marisa how often her family made it (thinking it was every few weeks or months) and she said every couple days - lol!

She and Quinn have a lot of fun in the kitchen - one night they ended up playing air hockey with chocolate chips on the counter and trying to use different kitchen tools to flip chocolate chips into each other's mouths.

Having her here has really made me be mindful in our food plans, we have slowed down on some activities so that we are available to do what we want on a whim.

Honestly, so far, having her here has been better than what I was expecting.

We are laughing a lot - she is finding that American dads are just as corny as German dads.  We have really good conversations.  She is great with Quinn and Cora.

I am keeping her parents as updated as I can - or how I would like to be updated if I sent my child away for a year.  She is a typical teenager in some regard - she does not yet miss her parents and Germany is "SO boring".  She has not shown signs of homesickness and I ask her directly about that (the exchange program told us what to watch for).  It's also been good that we have been so busy as that naturally distracts from homesickness.

She had to go the first 2 weeks with no contact with her family, and since then she has a weekly call with them.  This week I think she skipped it as she did not feel she had anything new to tell them.

She says the food and water here is weird or different than what she is used to.

We had a great conversation one night at dinner - Scott asked her about German vs. American boys. This conversation was hilarious.  You will never believe she thinks American boys are much more mature than German boys.  And she noted that American boys have so many different styles of haircuts - whereas all German boys have one haircut.

She thinks it's odd that kids have to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school and on her first day in choir they had to sing the National Anthem.  Naturally, she does not know these and there is one boy that stares intensely at her during the Pledge of Allegiance because she is not reciting it.  I told her to just stare back or tell him you are from Germany and shouldn't be expected to know it.  But in this - I do have a heightened awareness of how American culture is very prideful in their flag, country, freedom, etc.  I did have this awareness before, but it's more now.  I don't have a problem with it, but it is kind of shoved down our throats compared to other countries - just an interesting observation.

Scott is super corny with her - he jokes that the Google translate female German voice sounds just like her - so he plays things almost daily with that for her to listen to.  She is such a good sport with him.  He made her put on a raccoon hat in the Black Hills and takes ridiculous photos of her.  At the State Fair, he made her take a picture with him at the German booth at the International Market.  He would have shown up to the airport to pick her up in Lederhosen if he had access to a pair.  He's still determind to find some...stay tuned.

Quinn loves spending time with her and I think feels special and a little more grown up.  They watch a lot of movies and eat popcorn.  They get along really well.

Funnily enough, this opportunity has given me more one on one time with Cora, which was something I had wanted, but found difficult, naturally.  Quinn is the oldest and things were always focused on her, then it was both of them and the second child kind of gets lost in the mix.  Quinn and Marisa are usually busy with a game, baking or movie of some sort that Cora isn't into.  It's giving me some quality time with my baby, before she's not my baby anymore.   I don't know how to describe this, but I'm happy to focus more attention on Cora right now.

This past weekend, she got to meet my mom, brother and some of my dad's family.  What I would give to have the chance for her to meet my dad.  When I was in 3rd grade, our Italian exchange student Chiara would call my dad "Father King" whenever she wanted to get her way - he reveled in that - the rest of us wanted to barf.  What a character he was - how I'm sure Marisa would have enjoyed him and I wonder what funny stories we would have had with her if he were here.  Another heartbreaking thought in the mess of losing a parent.  I recently read that grief is the price we pay for love - that was a stinger.  

We also went to the MN Twins game this past Sunday - it was a beautiful day for it.

This weekend is the New Prague annual Dozinky festival - so we will be around home just showing that to her, maybe also got to Crayola Experience as we have passes that expire this month.

So that is month 1 in the books - and we are really happy with our decision!  It's been a lot of fun so far!  I think we are generally a family that likes to stay busy and have fun, but this experience is really forcing us to look at what we do in a new lens, get out there and try new cultural things, do things we hear about but never participate in, and always looking for the next "thing".

Happy to answer any questions anybody has on the hosting experience.

A question I have gotten a lot is "isn't it weird having someone else in your house?"

Well - I guess it's weird if you make it weird.  We are truly looking at this like she is a daughter. So if you do that, it's not weird.  Just little funny things to get used to - like making an effort to be specific in exactly when we are leaving because she may not know our natural "cues" for getting ready to get out the door.  In general, we are typical Americans always rushing to go to the next thing or get out the door.  I have a feeling they are not as rushed where she is from.   A good reminder for us to slow down because that is a good thing too.

I think Americans can stereotype Germans to be a certain way, but I wouldn't say Marisa is any one particular German "stereotype".

We are supposed to act normal and not change who we are just because she is with us.  Kids acting out?  Parent how you would.  Spouse getting on your nerves and getting in a little tiff?  Get in a tiff.  

Yep - we are living our true authentic selves with this other person in our house - and it's JUST FINE.  I don't feel a need to explain or apologize or be perfect or impress her.   We need to give her a real experience.

Another question I get asked is if it's expensive - not really.  At the end of the day, we are only responsible for providing 3 meals a day and lodging (and of course getting her where she needs to be).  If she opts into school lunch, she has to pay for that.  If we do an activity that costs money, she has to pay for that.  Anything we pay for above and beyond the minimum requirements is up to us and would be considered "our treat".  But we have open conversations about what something will cost before we do it and make sure she knows what she will have to pay.  Her parents gave her a monthly budget to work with at the start - none of us were exactly sure what she should plan on, so we're just keeping an eye on it and if something comes up not in the budget, they are prepared to give her more, if needed.  As an example, we are going to Arizona in February and just booked our flights, so we looped her parents in on that cost and they loaded that amount to her account, etc.  Pretty straight forward.

I have great conversations with her in the car and at night before bed - I truly enjoy the conversation, answering her questions about our culture and asking her questions about her culture.

We are very happy in this decision, the experience it gives her as well as what it is giving us.  

So far, so good.  More to come.

Here is a photo dump of some of the things mentioned in this post: