His Name is Robert Paulson

May 17, 2023

His Name is Robert Paulson

Have you ever seen the movie "Fight Club"? No worries if not. I'll get to that in a bit.

I'm sure you've heard of "Elf on the Shelf". A "newish" American tradition giving more work to parents over the holiday season (I have confirmed Elf on the Shelf is not a "thing" in Germany). It definitely was not a thing when I was growing up - but is definitely a thing now. And exhausting. What does that have to do with Fight Club, you say?

Well - on Black Friday, we (Quinn, Cora, Marisa, myself and my mom) were at JCPenney, a fine establishment. When we were walking to check-out, we saw this creepy looking, fake version elf that was not Elf on the Shelf. He was so disturbing. We could NOT get him off our minds.

The entire time we were waiting at check-out, we were playing with him, making creepy voices and laughing - laugh out loud laughing.

We even joked, "OK, if he isn't too expensive - we HAVE to get him". Price tag: $30. We would NEVER buy creepy elf for $30 - what a waste.

But - it's JCPenney. If you've ever been there, then you KNOW most likely the price will discount at the register - but let's not actually know the real price until we get to the register (why is that???).

Finally - anticipation is suspended as it's our turn to purchase. We ask the cashier to "check his price". And he rings up for $7 or $8.

DONE. DEAL.

But - we have to name our elf, even if he's creepy and not legit Elf on the Shelf.

We throw out names, nothing seems to fit. And suddenly, it dawns on me - HIS NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON!

Now - back to the movie "Fight Club". We don't talk about Fight Club - BUT - in the movie, there is a scene where they chant "His Name is Robert Paulson" multiple times (see this clip as a reference His name is Robert Paulson l Fight Club - YouTube)

My husband and I used to watch TONS of movies together in the good ole college days - so we can recite or spew off very random movie tidbits.

Fight Club is absolutely NOT appropriate for our children, but we have an inside joke of movie references that go completely over our kids' heads - and one of them is saying "His name is Robert Paulson" at random, but highly appropriate times.

For instance - driving past a random man mowing his yard or shoveling his sidewalk - "His name is Robert Paulson". Someone asking, "who is that guy". You guessed it - "His name is Robert Paulson".

Our kids have absolutely. no. clue. what we are talking about, but we still say it often enough that they are familiar with "his name is Robert Paulson". My husband uses this phrase the most.

So - back to creepy elf. Our kids have heard us say enough times "His name is Robert Paulson", that as soon as I reference towards our elf "His name is Robert Paulson" - they were on board instantly (even though they have no clue who or what Robert Paulson is). We all knew then and there that his name had to be "Robert Paulson". And not just "Robert Paulson", but the full "his name is Robert Paulson" each time we say it.

We decide to have a little fun with Robert Paulson. White elephant-type fun.

We "Robert Paulsoned" each other through the Christmas holidays. He has been between our house and my mom's house - showing up in various creepy manners.

Grandma stepping into the shower? ROBERT PAULSON is already in there!

Unassuming Christmas gift of wine? Guess what - Robert Paulson knows how to sneak and fit into the bag.

Family trip to Lake of the Woods? Robert Paulson knows how to creep and show up with the best of them. Under the pillow? Check. In the fridge? Check. In the cupboard where plates are? Check. In someone's snowpants? Check. Somehow sitting in the freezing wind ON Lake of the Woods? Check and Check.

You never know where creepy Robert Paulson will show up. Is he with Gramma Carol? Is he with us? You. will. never. know. when. he. will. show. up.

Perhaps one day he might make his way to Germany. Time will tell (hee hee hee).